


It’s a Waiting Game

by torigates



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torigates/pseuds/torigates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whatever it is Sam thinks he told Dean, Ruby knew Sam didn’t tell him everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It’s a Waiting Game

 

  
In hell, she heard whispers about Sam Winchester long before she met him, and she thought, _he’s my only chance._

She wanted to help him, to teach him. Ruby got through some of Lilith’s more inventive ideas in hell by promising herself that she would protect him. Protect Sam to protect herself. Always, protect herself.

 

“I told him,” Sam said, and Ruby doesn’t have to ask _told who_ or _what_.

“I figured,” she said. Dean’s pathetic attempt to do whatever it was he was trying to do told her that much, at least.

Sam nodded and didn’t say anything else. Neither did Ruby.

Whatever it is Sam thinks he told Dean, Ruby knew Sam didn’t tell him everything.

 

_“You know what? Where do you get off slapping me with that greeting card ‘time heals’ crap, what the hell do you know?”_

Ruby wanted to laugh. She wanted to laugh and laugh, but she couldn’t, and wasn’t that the problem, anyway? Demons _laugh_ at humans because they’re stupid, because they think they know everything. But they don’t. They don’t know a damn thing.

They think they’re the be all and end all, but pain goes on. If there was one thing Ruby was sure of after all this time, it was that pain only began when you died, and it never, ever stopped.

Ruby’s been around awhile. She remembers things. She knows things.

_“I used to be human, and I still remember what it feels like to lose someone.”_

Sometimes Ruby thinks that this, this _remembering_ is her own personal hell. If she could just forget, just lose herself then it wouldn’t be so bad. Other souls, other demons got lost in the pit. They had a chance to forget and Ruby’s not sure anymore that it’s a curse, forgetting.

She remembers being human, but she’s not.

_“You’re not alone, Sam.”_

Ruby kissed Sam and it was as much for her own sake as it was for his.

Sam looked so lost, so scared and alone and Ruby imagined she felt that way too. They didn’t kiss so much as press their faces and bodies together, Sam whispering _oh my god_ and _help me_ against her skin.

They fucked, and it was wrong and bad and _human_. Ruby wanted to feel that way again.

She would have loved him, if she could.

 

When Sam started reading omens that Lilith was in town, Ruby thought all her hard work had been for nothing.

Sam was determined to kill himself, and he wouldn’t listen to anyone. No one alive, anyway.

_“This isn’t what Dean would have wanted, this isn’t what he died for!”_

Sam was stubborn and angry and so broken, and Ruby had no choice but to follow him. He was their only hope. Sam was _her_ only hope. She had to follow Sam even if he led her right back to hell.

So she followed him.

Ruby recognized Lilith’s goons. After what they did to her in hell, Ruby would recognize them anywhere.

_“Take the girl and run!”_

One of them had her by the throat, and she could feel the body’s pain in the back of her mind.

She was sure she was going to go back to hell. Ruby remembered the last time she was there, and was afraid. She thought it was the only thing left that she could still feel. She hoped they’d kill her, but knew they wouldn’t.

She wondered what would happen to Sam.

Sam stared at her with a bloody nose, while Lilith’s henchman lay on the floor dead. It was the first time he successfully exorcized a demon with his mind, and he had done it for her. Inside, Ruby smiled.

“I’m okay,” he panted. “Thanks.”

Ruby could see that he was _not_ okay. His knees buckled, and Ruby had to rush to put her shoulder under his arm and support his weight.

“Sam!”

She held him up for a moment before she felt him press against her and stand on his own.

“Thanks,” he repeated.

Ruby ignored him. “I think that son of a bitch broke my wrist,” she told him.

“Should we go to the hospital?” he asked her.

“No. We need to get the hell out of here now.”

“What about that little girl? We can’t just leave her here,” Sam said.

“Sam, that demon you sent back to hell is going to go straight to Lilith and tell her where we are. We need to leave. Now.”

“We can take her home, at least,” he paused. “She’s been through enough.”

Ruby stared at him. It was hard, remembering. Remembering what it felt like to want to help someone, remembering Sam was human.

“Fine,” she bit out. “Let’s go.”

 

Sam could tell Dean whatever the hell he wanted, but Ruby knew. Sam used his powers for her. Sam would kill Lilith because of _her_. She had him right where she wanted him. Protect Sam, protect herself.

She still remembered what it felt like to be human, but she isn’t. Not anymore. 


End file.
